Disappointed and Vulnerable
I'm feeling disappointed and vulnerable
It is time to put it all out there. I have hidden behind a facade too long and my "comfortable" is becoming very uncomfortable...and not in a good way.
The pandemic has taken away a part of me that I worked so hard for. Where I once woke early to get in an awakening, mood boosting workout now includes hitting the snooze alarm with false promises of a workout later. There is envy watching my son effortlessly run a 5K knowing I would be lucky to make it a half mile before slowing my pace to a walk or complaining of aches and pains. The endless trying on clothes in my closet to find nothing fits or the fit is extremely unflattering.
This is disappointment at is finest.
There once was a time when I got excited about signing up for charity 5Ks and the training for a purpose that came with it. I am blessed with a body that can do things others cannot and I can use it to pay back all I have to be grateful and thankful for when it comes to my health and well-being. Crossing the finish line was an accomplishment that I could be proud of, pushing myself and testing my limits. At my healthiest, I felt alive and happy and wanted to pay it forward.
A Pandemic is NOT an excuse
One day in March of 2020, I was preparing for two weeks of remote teaching as the world was preparing to "flatten the curve" of the Coronavirus infections. I would be sitting at a computer most of my days, not walking a classroom, hallways and playground accumulating 15,000 steps a day.
Two weeks turned into 18 months. My step count decreased to about 2,000 steps by the end of the school day. My gym closed and my intense, personal trainer led workouts were diverted to a virtual session where I could easily hide out of camera view and get away with less than par abdominal crunches (if I did them at all).
But this was not my fault...I had an excuse, right?
Maybe my mind thought this, but the scale, my clothes, my energy and my strength would disagree.
I am so disappointed in how far I let this go!
Snap back to reality!
I was thinking at this point I would share a :"today" picture to show how far down I have gone. There is no picture. I looked for one but then realized I am a master at avoiding the camera. If I don't see it, it is not a problem, right?
My snap back to reality came while listening to David Goggins talk about his book "Can't Hurt Me" as I listened on Audible. It was during a break in the narration when Goggins was talking with the narrator and made a comment about life coaches. Being a Health Coach, it hit a nerve when he spoke of how some coaches preach pushing the limits and practicing healthy habits and then go home and binge watch TV while eating Ding Dongs.
I have been caught. My impostor syndrome a reality.
While I did not quite sink to the level of ding dongs, Twinkies and Hostess cupcakes, there was some honesty and responsibility I had to face in his statement. I was preaching meal prep, food diaries and red zone exercising...but I was not practicing it myself. I do not want to be the "Do as I say, not as I do" coach, nor do I want to make it OK to say being overweight and not fitting into my jeans is "OK and I need to accept it" when inside I am feeling depressed and disappointed.
Roger That, David Goggins.
Today is my Day 1!
This vulnerable blog is my way of putting it out there, acknowledging my setback, taking ownership of how I feel and what I need to do to improve, because no one is going to do it for me. This is hard, but necessary.
I will begin my Sunday morning practice of planning meals, writing a grocery list, scheduling my workouts and planning my week to include work, family and social activities.
This is not going to be easy and I will need support. My family will be on this journey with me. The junk food will not come into the house. Lunches will be prepped and packed and meals will be at the table on most nights.
No one is going to give me my health.
No one will carry me through the next 5K.
This body, this health is MY responsibility.
If I want it, I have to go out and get it.
This is my journey...and it starts NOW!
You are Invited!
As I mentioned, being a health coach, I aspire to inspire others to create their own journey. Acknowledging their starting point, visualizing their destination of health and wellness, creating their path and overcoming the obstacles.
I am on a journey and would like to invite you to join me. Having the support of others will increase both our chances of success.
I am running an 8 week Challenge which includes all the steps I will take to begin getting my old self back. Along with a supportive group, we can take this journey together, creating an individual path with actions that will keep you on track to your goals. A path that will include obstacles you will overcome with the help of like minded peers on a similar journey.
If you would like to join me and begin taking steps to your own optimal health and wellness, learn more here. This journey is a challenge but not one you need to go alone.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story, to empathize with my disappointment and vulnerability. I hope you are feeling inspired and motivated by it. If so, please leave a comment below.
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I'm Liz. Mom, wife, teacher, Health Coach. My passion lies in everything health and wellness. When new research and trends pop up, you can bet I am finding the best resources to information, weeding out the not so good and making the great easy to digest. From meal planning and recipes to exercise and mindfulness, wellness touches upon so many dimensions. Your path to optimal health is out there and I can help you find it.